That's Odd!

Travel Jokes

Author: buzz42, 18/04

by Nomad Rick

Traveling can be a humbling experience, particularly when you travel to a foreign country. Such experiences, of course, give rise to travel jokes.

Travel Jokes

1. Three brothers are sitting at the bar in a Moscow establishment. An older man is sitting at a table behind them and has obviously had too much vodka. He stands, walks up to the first brother and says,

“Your mother is a vicious, greedy woman!”

The brother tells him to shut up and go sit down.

After about 5 minutes, the old man stands and walks up to the second brother,

“I sleep with your mother whenever I want!”

Disgusted, the brother tells the old man to bugger off.

A few minutes later, the old man stands and starts walking towards the third brother. All three brothers turn around and yell,

“Dad, go home!”

2. You’re at a bad hotel when the bed mint moves.

3. “Visi, Vermini, Vomnui” – I visited, I freaked, I threw up.

4. The President’s Vacation

George and Laura Bush take a vacation to Crawford and decide to go the grocery store. In the checkout line, Laura recognizes the man working at the register as an old high school boyfriend. After chatting, they leave the store and George says,

“Wow, imagine if you had married him. You’d be married to a grocery store clerk now instead of the President of the United States.”

Laura rolls her eyes and says, “No. I’d be married to the President of the United States.”

5. “Veni, Veneri, Vamoosi” – I came, I caught a disease, I ran away.”

Typically, just the act of traveling produces more than a few funny moments. Get out there and go.

Rick Chapo is with NomadJournals.com - makers of travel accessories. Visit us to read more about Internet travel articles.

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Air Raid Wardens Get Good Backing

Author: buzz42, 02/04

There were Air Raid Wardens all over the country and they had many tasks. Helping to dig people out of bombed buildings was one, clearing the streets when an alarm had been sounded was another. They also had to make sure that no lights shone out during the blackout. (Even the tip of a lit cigarette was supposed to be covered in case it could be seen by a German bomb-aimer!) They were given their own surface shelters, normally constructed of sandbags. There was an ARP Wardens post built on Threadneedle Street, behind the Bank of England and the Bank's wall had been used as part of the construction. Across the entrance door the Warden had placed a board that stated 'Built with a sound financial backing'.

From Sqn. Ldr. A.Garretts MBE retd

'WW2 People's War is an online archive of wartime memories contributed by members of the public and gathered by the BBC. The archive can be found at bbc.co.uk/ww2peopleswar'

Stepping Stones, Ladders And Bridges.

Author: buzz42, 18/03

By Dee Power

Start small work your way up. Take care of the little things and the big things will take care of themselves. Climb the ladder one rung at a time. Get your foot in the door and the rest will follow. Well worn platitudes all. But what does it have to do with writing?



Many writers think that the secret to getting published by a major house is working their way up. Write a book, get it published by a vanity/utility publisher and that’s the first rung on the ladder to success. But is it? Do these books count for anything other than massaging the ego of the writer that they are indeed now ‘published’?



No. The publishing industry doesn’t consider a vanity book as a writing credit because it hasn’t been vetted. No one has determined that the book is well written or has market value. Quite a few agents and publishers look down on a writer that includes a vanity book in their resume as being unprofessional and naïve. Some even consider it a disadvantage because they assume the writer couldn’t get the book published or they would have. A vanity book indicates to them poor writing.



What about the motivation that is sparked by holding your very own book in your very own hands? Well odds are your hands will be the only ones holding that book. The average number of copies a vanity published book sells is about 100. Most literary agents are unimpressed until the sales level reaches 5000 or so copies. And those copies have to verified, the author can’t just go on a credit card spending spree and buy tons of their own book.



It’s not really a fair assessment because it is next to impossible to get a vanity book stocked in a bookstore. Bookstores are where most books meant for the public are sold. The stores demand 90 day payment terms and most vanity books are publish on demand which means paid for when ordered. Most publish on demand books are not returnable and bookstores want to return unsold copies. Publish on demand books are priced from 30% to 50% higher than an offset printed book. Bookstores want competitively priced books. And finally publish on demand houses don’t offer discounts that allow enough profit margin for the stores.



Vanity published books are appropriate in lots of circumstances. The author has a book that appeals to a niche market that is too narrow for even a small press. The author lectures and speaks and wants a book that can be sold in the back of the house. The author has a book that is meaningful to their family or other personal relationship group but doesn’t have much appeal outside that group.



However much writers would like to believe it, a vanity published book is not a step up the ladder to a writing career, or a stepping stone to greater publishing achievements.



About the Author: Dee Power is the author of several nonfiction books and the novel Over Time Money, Love and Football, all the important things in life. Find out more about Dee at BrianHillandDeePower.com



Source: www.isnare.com

Pro Blogger? Will blog for food.

Author: buzz42, 03/01

With all this pro-blog stuff and giving up your job to blog one has to wonder about the poor bloggers that didn't make it.

Yes this is another bLaugh comic moment.

Will blog for food!

Well that's enough introduction.

Smoking And Lung Cancer - The True Facts

Author: buzz42, 20/12

by Ben ORourke

The bad news is that smoking increases your risk of developing lung cancer. And I can tell you that 90% of lung cancer deaths in men and 80% of lung cancer deaths in women are linked with smoking. And lung cancer is not the only cancer related to smoking. Strong links have been shown between smoking and cancer of the mouth, the larynx, the esophagus, the bladder, the stomach and the kidneys. But cancer was the first disease that was linked to smoking, and it is the leading cause of cancer related deaths in the United States.

Here are some statistics to consider:

Men who are smokers are 23 times more likely to get cancer than men who do not smoke.
Women who are smokers are 13 times more likely to develop lung cancer than women who do not smoke.
You do not decrease the risk of catching lung cancer by smoking low tar, low nicotine or 'light' cigarettes.
Did you know that there are over 4000 chemicals in cigarette smoke? At least 60 of these are known carcinogens.
Carcinogens damage the DNA in cells that controls their growth. One of the characteristics of malignant cancer cells is unrestrained growth and replication of cells.
30% of cancer deaths annually is directly attributed to cigarette smoking.
87% of lung cancer deaths is caused by cigarette smoking.
Secondhand smoke accounts for about 5% of all newly diagnosed cases of lung cancer.
Secondhand smoke, or passive smoking causes about 3000 lung cancer deaths in each and every year.
If you quit smoking before the age of 35 you can reduce your risk of developing lung cancer by as much as 90%.
Even quitting smoking before you reach 50 will substantially reduce your risk of developing cancer.
It is known that 7 of 8 people who contracted lung cancer will not be alive five years after their diagnosis.
The more you smoke, the more you increase your risk of actually developing lung cancer.
Lung cancer is decreasing in the United States as the number of smokers have decreased.

People try to tell you, that it is not proven that cigarette smoking actually causes lung cancer. This is true to some extent. For example, you may have a genetic predisposition to getting cancer. Not everything is known why some people develop cancer and others do not. Some people can smoke for years and do not get it, and some people get it who never smoked at all. But there is one thing you can be sure of, smoking will increase your risk of developing lung cancer. And if you do stop smoking, you will decrease your risk of developing lung cancer over time.

Health info Docs For More Information On Smoking And Lung Cancer:
Smoking And Lung Cancer

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Why Piano Students Knew More About Sex Than The Other Kids In My Home Town

Author: buzz42, 07/12

By Duane Shinn

The center for sex education in Auburn in the mid-to-late 40’s was not the home, the church, the school, or the health clinic. Not that these did not contribute to our growing body of knowledge – they certainly did – but the center for the dissemination of actual facts was Suzanna Brown's piano studio on Jasper Way, right up the side street from Junker & Shull, the Ford agency where my Dad always brought his cars. Suzanna certainly didn’t plan it that way, and I doubt if she ever knew about it. But her piano students, of which I was fortunate to be a member throughout most of my elementary school days, led the way in describing to the rest of the Auburn kids the wonders of human anatomy around the world. Not very advanced information, granted, but the kind of information kids around 8 or 9 years old are occasionally curious about when they are not doing anything more interesting. Such things as the fact that in Borneo women not only don’t wear blouses, they don’t even wear underwear! Exciting things like that.

And how did we know?

Because in the waiting room of Suzanna's piano studio were the well-worn copies of at least 10 years of National Geographic, and it was easy to locate the revealing sections in these magazines, as these were the very well-worn issues, often with page corners conveniently folded back for easy re-location before next week’s piano lesson.

Suzanna would often say to her waiting students such things as “Myrna! You’re here so early! Well, make yourself at home. There are magazines here for you to read while you’re waiting.” And Myrna did, and Myrna was the one to turn to when one was in need of some information on bizarre sexual customs around the world, whether women in the Congo wore bras or not, and other such vital statistics.

It took me about two years of piano lessons to figure out why the kids that arrived early for their lessons knew so much about dress (or lack of it) and customs in foreign lands. When I finally caught on, the dog-eared issue I turned to had a section missing – about 5 or 6 pages had been torn out, and on the remaining page of the missing article was a photo of an African lady who apparently was completely naked before someone had used a red crayon to provide her with a lovely American-style dress covering her nakedness, complete with matching handbag. I always wondered if it was Myrna, who was two years older, protecting young eyes from such worldly wisdom, and/or saving all the good stuff for the girls, or both. But it didn’t seem quite like her. One of these days, when I work up the courage, I’m going to ask her. I’d better hurry. Myrna is 63 now.

Our freshman year at Placer High School we had to take a class called “Freshman Problems”, which was of course a euphemism for sex education. It was taught dutifully by an old maid named Hazel Germantine, and of course the joke that continually made the rounds of freshmen was “How would she know?” which, in retrospect, I think, was a fair question. But we didn’t mean it as a fair question, but as a joke. She was 53 at the time, but to 14 year olds she might as well have been 153, and the class was approximately that exciting. It was all theory, all hypothetical, all basically boring, except for the times when it got so embarrassing we just had to laugh out loud.

But fortunately for us, although certainly not for her, Donna Jo Bofillati got pregnant about mid-way through our freshman year, and had to drop out of school. That drove us back to our texts to see how it all worked. It was no longer theory, but Donna Jo and Herbie Unser, and that took on a fleshly meaning, and we learned like we had never learn before. It wasn’t so great for them, however, and the forced marriage didn’t last past the first year, but for us it was exciting – a chance to bring our school work to life, to resurrect it from dry pages and lectures to a real life, flesh and blood situation acted out by two of our classmates.

Duane Shinn is the author of the popular free 101-week online e-mail newsletter titled "Amazing Secrets Of Exciting Piano Chords & Sizzling Chord Progressions- Intelligent Piano Lessons For Adults Only!" with over 84,400 current subscribers.

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You may be in love if...

Author: buzz42, 26/11

by Jan Michaels

One of the most common human experiences that two or more (depending on how ambitious you are) people can share is love. But, it’s not always easy to tell if you are in like, lust or full blown, forever loving. With that in mind, I’ve created this list of signs that you may be crazy in love!

1. If you’ve ever stared deeply into the eyes of your significant other for more than 10 seconds without cracking up hysterically, you may be in love.

2. If every person in your life tells you that she/he’s no good and you’re mailman, pharmacist and local news station agrees, yet you think they are just jealous, you may be in love.

3. Guys: if you’ve taken the pictures of the other women in you’re life off the walls, like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition posters, Playmate of the month calendar, Monster Truck Rally 2005, you may be in love.

4. Ladies: men can produce excessive amounts of eye watering, nose burning noxious odor from almost any food or drink, and then aren’t above sharing it with others, especially at night. Knowing all this, and you STILL want to sleep in the same bed with him, you may be in love.

5. If your significant other asks you how they look in their new retro polyester lime green outfit and you say they look hot, you may be in love…. or you have a really strong self preservation instinct.

6. Guys: if you’ve ever given up washing and waxing that new car you just bought to watch Sleepless in Seattle with you’re girlfriend/wife for the 20th time, you may be in love.

7. If you always remember every anniversary and birthday of your partner, and you’re not female, you may be in love.

8. If you think the underwear and socks you get for your birthday and Christmas every year is a pleasant surprise, you may be in love.

9. If you thought the Sears Tool Set and rolling cabinet you got for your birthday was great idea, and you’re not male, you may be in love.

10. If you are taken to Burger King for a romantic dinner, and that doesn’t bother you, you may be in love.

11. If you notice your local florist starts arriving at work in a limo since you became a customer ... you may be in love

12. If hearing "Honey, wheres my clean underwear?" brings tears of joy to your eyes ... you may be in love

But the easiest way to tell if you are in love is this: If there is no one on this planet that you would rather spend everyday of your life with than the one you are with, then you ARE in love!



Jan Michaels is a self-described relationship expert (why is his girlfriend laughing?) that is truly in love. When not writing amusing articles, he doesn't do much of anything really important, unless feeding the
cat counts. Get more of his and others musings at:
Articles Heaven http://www.brunkco.com/art or http://www.brunkco.com


Submitted with Article Distributor.



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A Condom By Any Other Name

Author: buzz42, 12/11

by Lilith Mill

Condoms, jimmies, rubbers…you might think you’ve heard them all. Condoms are one of the world’s most common prophylactics. Here are 5 things that you might not otherwise know about condoms and their names.

1. English Nicknames

One of the most known nicknames for condom is rubber. However, if you go to a convenience store in Australia or New Zealand and ask for a rubber, you will be handed an eraser. This could make for awkward moments for Kiwis or Aussies traveling abroad who just want to erase a mistake: “Could I have a rubber, mate?”

Other English nicknames include jimmy hat, raincoat, or hazmat suit: a suit you don for dealing with hazardous materials. The term “love glove” led to the famous safe sex slogan “No Glove, No Love.”

2. International Nicknames

English isn’t the only language that had odd nicknames for condoms. In Denmark, they are called gummimand, which literally means “rubberman.” In Germany, they are called lummeltute, or “naughty bags.” Hungarian terminology emphasizes the protective aspect by calling a condom an ovsver, or a “safety tool.” Hong Kong similarly demonstrates the protective value by calling a condom a pei dang vi, or a “bulletproof vest.” In Portugal they call condoms “Venus’ shirts” or camisa de Venus: remember, Venus is the goddess of love after all, so it makes sense!

Other countries can be more literal with their meanings: in Nigeria, a condom is an okpuamu, or a “penis hat.” In Indonesia, instead of a hat, it’s a “penis gourd” or a koteca.

In English a condom is sometimes called a raincoat: in Greek it is sometimes called a kapota, or an overcoat. In Spain, a condom is called a globo, or balloon. Remember, although you can use a condom for a balloon, you can’t use a balloon for a condom!

3. National Tensions

Some nicknames of the condoms demonstrate international tensions. In Germany, a slang term for a condom is a “Pariser,” or a Parisian. In English, condoms are sometimes called French Letters. Why is France associated with condoms? This might be because other countries associated all that was decadent with France.

As a side note, a French Letter will protect you against the French Disease; or, to put it more plainly, a condom will help protect you against syphilis. Syphilis was called the French Disease because of the outbreak in the French Army in the sixteenth century; it was the Italians that coined that phrase (morbus gallicus).

The French, however, might have gotten their linguistic come-uppance with their terminology. The French called syphilis “la maladie anglaise,” or the English Disease. They even called it the Italian disease or the Neapolitan disease too. Other countries were equally derisive, with the Arabs calling syphilis the English disease and the Russians calling it the Polish disease.

Although most nationally-derogatory terms for syphilis are now in the past, the French still call condoms “la capote anglaise,” or the English raincoat.

4. Condom, France

Yes, there is a town in France called Condom. As far as linguists know, it has nothing do with the etymology of the word condom. There is a folktale that the English got their word condom from this location. English travelers came and saw French farmers sewing prophylactics from sheep guts. Whether or not this is true, you can still get sheepskin condoms (made from sheep intestines). They are softer than latex or polyurethane condoms and increase sensation. However, sheepskin condoms do not protect against sexually transmitted diseases, they simply work to prevent pregnancy.

5. The Real Origins of the Word Condom

Unfortunately, we don’t know the real origins of the word “Condom.” Was it named after a Dr. Condom, or a Dr. Quondam, as some tales tell? Is it named after a British army officer, Cundum? Or is it named after the Italian court adviser, Gondi? (A “gondon” or “goldoni” is another word for condom in Italy).

Whatever the origins of our word condom, and whatever you choose to call it, wear a condom. Condoms prevent unwanted pregnancies and prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.



For the real facts (and not just the funny stories) about birth control, visit The Guide to Birth Control for more information.



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Smart People Say Stupid Things Too!

Author: buzz42, 11/11

by Gabriel Adams

Have you ever made a comment that was simply ridiculous, but you didn’t realize it until you saw the smiles on your friends faces? You may have been totally mortified afterwards, but the truth is everyone makes comments like that; even the smartest people in the world make dumb comments too. The best part is: the smarter they are, the harder you laugh.

My friend Jessie recently graduated from MIT and headed off to Princeton to get her PhD. A month after she moved in, she called me to ask if I thought she should call her super. Since she had moved in, she hadn’t had a hot shower because her water was only lukewarm. After a few minutes of questioning her about the problem, I asked if she had turned up the heat on her water heater. Her response was, “You can change the temperature?” Maybe I should have had her call the super; he would have had a good laugh.

My college roommate, Melissa, recently moved off to the east coast to go to a top medical school. Before she left, a bunch of us took a road trip out to Colorado. On the way through Western Nebraska, Melissa sat staring quietly out the window. After a while, she suddenly turned around and asked, “Are tumbleweeds real? I thought they were something movie directors made up for westerns.” Just remember that story the next time you’re at the doctor’s office.

Nowadays, the smarter people are, they more they seem to rely on technology. My friend Jon is the epitome of this stereotype; he just loves computers and other gadgets. That’s probably why he’s off studying at MIT. A few years ago, Jon and a few of his friends were visiting an army base. Jon insisted on using his GPS system to guide them on their way. As they were coming up to an intersection, Jon told the driver to turn left. The driver said they couldn’t do that. After a few moments of bickering back and forth about it, Jon started to get angry. He huffed “The GPS says we have to turn here!” The driver then said back “The big concrete barrier says we don’t!” During the whole argument, he hadn’t bothered to look up from his GPS screen.

So next time you’re totally embarrassed about saying or doing something stupid, just remember that you’re not alone.



Visit Funny Stuff Blog for more great laughs: http://www.funny-stuff.net/



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Sudoku - easy.

Author: buzz42, 10/10

To make up for the unplayable tiny google game I have a small treat for you.

This item was going to be posted later this week along with other difficulty settings. For now here is the "easy" version.

Don't worry there will be easiest and harder and very hard versions if this one works out.

Sudoku is a puzzle craze where the aim is to get each of the numbers one to nine just once in each row, column and 3 by 3 grid.

Enjoy.